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I love that beauty is important to God.  It is arriding to me that creation did not only produce for the sake of functionality. In fact, one of my favorite things about disbelieving that the world exists via evolution is the backpacking thought that my Papa also created with the specific purpose of transmitting beauty.  I am coming to realize that there are so many more things that He finds lovely than I do.  Several months ago Christina said something to me that has incessantly struck my heart.  ”I want to see beauty the way Jesus does and change my definition from being merely that which is attractive to my eyes to that which is attractive to his heart.”  I paraphrased some. ^_^

I have come to the quite shocking conclusion that He does indeed find women exquisite, even when my tainted and judgmental vision fails to do so.  His delight is not only in our hearts that seek to know Him, but in the physical design of our frame.  (Please, please understand that I am in no way minimizing His love for a heart that seeks Him).  How much healing would be ours if we could lay our desperate feet on this foundation of love.  Oh to be fully confident in it  so as to reflect it into the hearts of others!  I want to know the beauty of women deep in the place where my values are stored.  What a gift we have been given, to be crafted with a purpose of bringing pleasure in the very way we are put together.

It is in my heart to write a three part blog about this issue.  What it means in general.  What it means for men. What it means for women.  Unfortunately, I feel grossly inadequate for such a venture and that may be a terrible way to start.   I began to do so several months ago and very quickly lost my zeal. Actually, if I were being honest I think I purposefully threw it in a drawer with all my old receipts and dried out sharpies. In the last few days, however, a spark of something that used to be a driving force of my life has reappeared. I’m trying not to make too much of it because that’s happened a few times in the last several months and I keep getting left suddenly sitting on my tush with nothing around me but shadowy ghosts of a life I once lived. BUT…I figure I’ll write while I’m riding this phantom passion because there’s not a lot that holds you more accountable than something you’ve written for everyone to see.

Now that strikes more than a little bit against the door where my insecurities dwell. If you know me well, you are aware that I am my most advanced enemy. My mind is constantly whirring and evaluating and capturing and as much as that can be a gift, it can also be a deadly quagmire for one who quickly sizes up all the areas they need work.  The thought of digging into the reality of beauty means that I will probably not be able to hide behind my usual entourage of antagonists. I’m not good at that struggle. They sit beside me closer than most friends because I lack the desire or strength to wrestle them away. By writing the things I know to be true I am allowing those closest to me to remind me of them when I fail. In effect, I’m about to brew my own poison. Sometimes healing doesn’t feel good.

With that, I end this post. More to come soon.

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